we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
