I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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