What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
