rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
