please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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