I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
