There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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