i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
