you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
home. puking in laundry basket.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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