i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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