this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
