I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
