I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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