Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
