It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
