I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
