My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
one might say we're banned from that church
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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