areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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