Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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