Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize