You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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