but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
