omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
