so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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