your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
