she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
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You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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