did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
