how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
