UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
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just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
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because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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