craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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