You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
