The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I checked into jail on foursquare
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
