Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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