Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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