i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have aggressive nipples.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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