Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
