Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
