Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
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trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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