Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
