Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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