haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
me + whiskey = a bad person
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
