i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
