idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
