i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
