I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Your dad touched me again.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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