I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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