every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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