I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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