I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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