ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
