his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
