I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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