I faked an abortion last night.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Michael Bay diarrhea
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
