he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
