Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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