we're blogging at a bar
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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