come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
