goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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