Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
