you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
