forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize