please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
