Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
