walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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