There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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