Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
