dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
