i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
