Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
