saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
