goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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