Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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