you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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