I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
