An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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