You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
